Yellow Fever
I have been MIA here for a bit because I have been working on Jason’s site, thecraftyasian.com.
It’s all set up now, except for one problem. We need some fortunes for the fortune cookie. When you go to the site, you will see the fortune cookie on the top right. Similar to my SNL random thoughts plugin, the cookie will give you a fortune every time you load the page. All I need now, are some funny fortunes. Leave your ideas in the comments of this post. Good ones will be featured on the site.
March 31st, 2006 at 2:59 pm
I was bored, so I searched around on the internet and found these, they’re pretty funny:
1. Today’s dog in alley is tomorrow’s moo goo gai pan.
2. Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup.
3. Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application.
4. Brack man who no where pant reave trail in dirt.
5. Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hard to deliver!
6. Any man who says he can read a woman like a book is probably illiterate.
7. Confucius say you have heart as big as Texas.
8. Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom.
9. You love Chinese food.
10. Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.
11. Forgive your enemies, but don’t forget their names.
12. Virginity like bubble… One Prick - all gone!
13. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
14. Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.
15. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
16. Man with one chopstick grow hungry.
17. Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
18. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
19. Baseball is wrong… Man with four balls cannot walk.
20. Panties not best thing on earth…. but next to it.
21. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find husband in cat house.
22. Man who sleeps in cat house by day…. sleep in doghouse at night.
23. Man who fight with wife all day…. get no piece at night.
24. Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!
25. It takes many nails to build crib…. but one screw to fill it.
26. Man who sit on tack get point.
27. Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
27. He who fishes in other man’s well often catches crabs.
28. Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
29. Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
Here is a list of serious ones:
Over self-confidence is equal to being blind.
The love of your life will appear in front of you unexpectedly.
This is really a lovely day. Congratulations.
A perfect statue never comes from a bad mold.
Friends long absent are coming back to you.
Today it’s up to you to create the peacefulness you long for.
Feel the tingle, it’s your time to mingle.
Frequent conversations will fill your heart with joy.
Creation, invention, and enterprise will be very important in your life.
Your smile makes everyone realize that the world is a lovely and beautiful place.
Prejudice is the child of ignorance.
This is a night for love and affection.
To achieve a great goal, one must begin with a small achievement.
Your ability to find the silly in the serious will take you far.
You will emerge from uncertainty into great peace and freedom.
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
You will be pleasantly surprised tonight.
Dedicate yourself with a calm mind to the task and hand.
You are next in line for promotion in your firm.
Every woman is at heart a mother; every man is at heart a bachelor.
Think of the danger while things are going smoothly.
What you left behind is more mellow than wine.
If winter comes, can spring be far behind?
Joys are often the shadows, cast by sorrows.
A wise person cares not for what he cannot have but for what he can.
You will be attracted to an older, more experienced person.
You are going to have some new clothes.
Depend on the predictability and steadiness of life to support you.
In God we trust, all others must pay cash.
You have an unusually magnetic personality.
Genius does what it must, and talent does what it can.
Your smile has the power to extinguish others’ gloom.
Our first and last love is self-love.
You must look into people, as well as at them.
You are given the chance to take part in an exciting adventure.
Find release from your cares, have a good time.
You will become more passionate and determined about your convictions.
Take a vacation, you will have unexpected gains.
You cannot be expected to give more than you have.
Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you.
You have the ability to touch the lives of many people.
With a little more hard work, your creativity takes you to great heights.
Good to begin well, better to end well.
Traveling this year will bring your life into greater perspective.
Give a kiss to the person who sits next to you.
A good evening is one spent in good company.
Meeting adversity well is the source of your strength.
The face of nature reflects all of life’s ups and downs.
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
Present your best ideas today to an eager and welcoming audience.
Avert misunderstandings by calm, poise and balance.
The only certainty is that nothing is certain.
A warm smile is testimony of a generous nature.
One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes.
Good news will be brought to you by mail.
You will become a great philanthropist in your later years.
A chance meeting with someone from the past is in store.
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
Safe sex is in the palm of your hand.
Your love of music will be an important part of your life.
Nibble here, nibble there, soon you’ll nibble everywhere.
Everyone has ambitions.
Don’t let friends impose on you. Work calmly and silently.
An unexpected event will bring you riches.
There appear to be many clouds, but they quickly pass.
Ask advice, but use your own common sense.
A liar is not believed even though he tells the truth.
Opportunities surround you if you know where to look.
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
Your ideals are well within your reach.
Don’t forget that your roots need watering.
Your skills will accomplish what the force of many cannot.
Concentration leads to success.
Someone is speaking well of you.
He who knows he has enough is rich.
This fortune is your award for giving the worst nooky.
Twinkle twinkle little nooky, don’t you wish you weren’t a rooky?
You love oral sex, but hate the phone bill.
You have a heart of gold.
He who has good health is young.
You have had a good start. Work harder.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
Your greatest fortune is the large number of friends you have.
Your artistic talents win the approval and applause of others.
The small steps you take will ultimately bring you great fortune.
Your dearest wish will come true.
Your emotional nature is strong and sensitive.
Everyone around you is rooting for you. Don’t give up.
You are about to embark on a most delightful journey.
Your happy heart brings joy and peace where there is none.
Keep true to the dreams of your youth.
Do not give a man a fish, but teach him how to fish.
Sitting toward the south may bring you good luck.
An early morning nooky is the breakfast of happy champions.
Keep your plans secret for now.
You will take a chance in something in the near future.
Keep in mind your most cherished dreams of the future.
Your luck has been completely changed today.
Many a false step is made by standing still.
You are a traveler at heart. There will be many journeys.
A huge fortune at home is not as good as money in use.
The only way to have a friend is to be one.
You or a close friend will be married within a year.
Be calm when confronting an emergency crisis.
You will receive many beauteous gifts in the years ahead.
Doors will be opening for you in many areas of your life.
Politeness costs nothing and gains everything.
The best mirror is a good friend.
Don’t behave with cold manners.
Don’t be afraid to take that big step.
April 4th, 2006 at 4:02 pm
Aside from the serious ones, they are set up. Any more bright ideas chuckleheads?