Jacko has been a great source of comeby here at blatti.net. But since he has moved to Baharain, or whatever boy-rape friendly country he has infested, we haven’t heard much from him. Enter Midget Jackson. He may be half the size, but he has all the moves.

The sad part about all of this is that this little guy probably makes twice as much money as I do. Maybe I can be the fat Micheal Jackson. Probably aren’t a lot of those out there.

I wish they had this when I was buying my house. Zillow values homes….ummm somehow. It knows how much you paid, how much your house is worth, and the trends in your neighborhood, zip code, county, state, etc. It will creep you out. Click the pic for the link.

I was watching Patrice on web junk 20 this weekend and caught this commercial. Instant classic!

I was listening to O&A this morning an caught a few minutes of director Kevin Smith of Clerks and Mallrats fame. Like many of you, his movies gave me a lot of laughs througout the years, as well as some memorable quotes.

Well lunchbox, you are in luck. It seems that he has been shooting Clerks 2, which somehow I was unaware of. It is due to hit theaters later this year. From the looks of the teaser, there will be quite the familiar cast. Even Ben Affleck (who was the bomb in “Phantoms“) makes at mimium a cameo. If you are headed to the theater, avoid the arch-nemesis LaFours, and try not to eat anyone’s shit that is made up of your shit that you made them eat. Snooch to the nooch!

I’m sure you have heard about the U.S. selling the managment of 6 U.S. ports to the UAE. In response to the issue, Bush questions “It’s OK for a British company to manage ports, but not OK for a company from a country that’s also a valuable partner”. Hmmm….last I checked, in your eyes, Britain was your #1 “valuable partner” and UAE was the country that funded Osama Bin Laden.

Anyhow, no Dibbleya post would be complete without some memorable quotes. This one was doozy, and I assume (and hope) that he simply misspoke. To clarify, these are actual quotes from the linked CNN article:

1.) Referring to debate over foreign operations of U.S. ports, President Bush says “people don’t need to worry about security.”

2.) “This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security of the United States of America,” Bush told reporters during a Cabinet meeting.

3.) He added, “It’s really important that we not send mixed messages to allies.”

Mixed messages? When did we ever send those?

Travis Frey of Iowa could possibly be a lock for man of the year. And it is only February. This guy had a contract for his wife, that held specific “expectations” about her clothing, hygiene and sexual activities. Read it yourself (NSFW) here.

Wait a minute.  Perhaps I spoke a little early on this “Man of the Year” thing. By fullfilling said expectations she would earn “good behavior days”, or GBDs, which she could then use to free herself from his requests. Also, she never even signed the contract.  Oh yeah, he was charged with possesion of child pornography too. Well that went downhill fast. It has been quite some time, but I am going to give this guy “Assclown of the Week”. Thanks TSG for another quality find!

There has been a huge uproar over a recent cartoon from Denmark that depicted the prophet Mohammed. The picture shows Mohammed with a bomb shaped turban. Riots have happened in Pakistan and Africa, and I’m sure other places that I didn’t hear about. Western institutions and embassies have been destroyed. All over a little cartoon.

I really hope we (U.S.) don’t get involved in this disater. You could argue both sides of this arguement until your eyes bleed and no one would get anywhere.

Just admit it is funny. European countries make cartoons that use sterotypes saying all Muslims are violent. They also make cartoons that assume all people in the U.S. are morons from Texas. Anyone with half a brain knows that neither of these are true. Of course we shouldn’t take anything seriously from a European anyway, we all know they don’t shower.

A usual lover of white powder, Paris Hilton, was not so happy the other night when she was flour bombed by PETA protesters for wearing fur. The actress, singer, and international skank-bag looked confused and afraid after being the victim of the brutal attack.

I’m all for being kind to animals, as long as it doesn’t interfere with my mass inhalation of pig, cow and chicken. But these PETA people have gone too far this time.

Paris is closer in the gene pool to a deer with fetal alcohol syndrome than a human. Therefore, those PETA members who have been so quick to save the animals, have no problem attacking one of them. Hey you gotta thin the herd sometimes.

So Tricky Dick has moved up on my favorite list. He was out hunting quail the other day when he thought to himself, “Hey, that looks like some fantastic fowl!” He aims his trusty Winchester true and fires! It is a direct hit.

Oh wait, it was actually some other guy he shot. A lawyer. And then he had a heart attack. (the lawyer, not Dick).

UPDATE: Dick has taken full responsibility for the shooting. Contrary to popular belief, he was not in fact, drunk. He did however admit to inhaling paint and listening to G.G. Allin (I suggest you don’t click that) before the incident. C’mon people – this sort of thing could happen to any of us.

Potato chips are great. You take a potato, one of the starchiest foods on the planet, then you proceed to fry it in grease. Just when you thought it was healthy enough, it gets doused in salt, or some other salt-based, chemical, arificial flavor powder. (Did you ever look close at a Cool Ranch Dorito? Some of the stuff on there is blue!)

Potato chips could be classified in 3 goups.

1.) Baked. The wuss version of the potato chip. They are baked not fried, and they taste bad, not good. It is like eating flavored cardboard.

2.) Standard. These are your Jays, Lays, and Ruffles. They are extremely greasy and salty. Anything that requires a napkin or jeans wipe when you are done eating is worth considering.

3.) Kettle cooked. Could be just as unhealthy as the standard chip, but most of the oil is absorbed by the chip, creating an extremely crunchy product. Many companies make these now, the most prominent are the Jay’s Krunchers line.

Krunchers provides 5 different types of chip (as far as I am aware).

		Original Krunchers – These are pretty lame. Pretty much your standard kettle cooked chip. Crunchy and salty, filling all the requirements for a basic potato chip. Goes great with – Panera. It’s the only damn chips you are going to get there anyway, so I hope you like ‘em.
		Mesquite Krunchers – Just like the originals, only caked with barbeque powder. These are exremely sugary and very tasty. It is like a meal and dessert all in one! Goes great with – PJ’s Royall With Cheese (Milwaukee, WI). I would kill for one of those right now.
		Jalapeno Krunchers – At first they just seem to be slightly spicy, with a great taste. After you are a quarter way into the bag, you are finishing them. Either keep eating, or the burn sets in .Goes great with – a Slurpee. Eat the spicy chips, cool off with a slurrpee. It is like speedballs for fat people.
		Sweet Onion Hawaiian Krunchers - I couldn’t find a picture of these, by I know they exist. They are extremely addicting. They have a sweet taste that is hard to put down. Goes great with – Nothing. They are great by themselves. They are very sweet, and can throw off the tastes of any accompanying foods. Quite possibly covered in heroin powder.
		Sea Salt and Cracked Pepper Krunchers – These are the newest flavor, and also my favorite. They have a very simple taste, that works with just about anything. If you like salt and pepper, you’ll love these. Goes great with – A bag lunch. I bring some with me when I brown bag it.

Krunchers are the most comercailly available kettle cooked chip. However Dirty’s are my favorite. The only place I have seen them is at Mario’s Deli. Head over there and get a Joey’s sub and a bag of dirty’s and you won’t be disappointed.