Signbot - Make your own cheesy side-scrolling sign GIF.
Fridge in the table - Why didn’t I think of this? You are eating your dinner and you get thirsty. What are you going to do, get up and get something to drink? I don’t know about you but I don’t have time to go on some head in the clouds quest to the kitchen in search of treasures that probably don’t really exist. Hitting a button and a fridge popping out of the center of the table? That my friends I have time for.
ChaCha - Basically, it is google for your mom. Submit a query, and an operator (an actual person) will search the internets for you and return relevant results. Since I don’t plan on teaching your mom how to use logic statements and quotes in a search engine anytime soon, my hat goes off to ChaCha.
The 50 Greatest Commercials of the ’80s - Nothing washes down my McDLT better than a New Coke!
The Chinese have succeeded at their initial attempt to develop a 3 armed baby. They theorize that the third arm will offer a 50% increase in manufacturing output, resulting in lower prices for you, the consumer!
Hold on a second - I just got a report in saying that this was not a planned attempt, but in fact a birth defect. Chinese doctors claim that both of the left arms are underdeveloped and at this time they are unable to determine which one should be removed. Freak accident or manufacturing prodigy / 3-sword weilding warrior, which do you believe? You can’t fool me China. I’ve got my eye on you.
Apparently police are searching for a Jamacian arsonist. This “cigarette”, presumed to be a member of the Cannibus Familia, a local crime syndicate, is wanted for questioning by the Jamacian authorities. Eyewitness testimony suggests that the suspect is short, skinny and white. The suspect is also know to go by the aliases, “pinner”, “preemo” and “stuffed toothpick”. After setting the blaze, the suspect seemed to “vanish into thin air”, according to an area janitor who was on his lunch break at the time of the incident. Police have warned the public to not approach the suspect, as he is believed to be still lit and tracking like a mutha. If you see the suspect, you are encouraged to call the police tip line @ 1-800-CATCH-A-J. Click the picture below for the whole story.
Number One: Kirby Puckett. R.I.P. fat man. The African-American population of Minnesota was cut in half this week when Kirby Puckett died from stroke complications. He was only 45.
Number Two: Barry Bonds Scandal Returns. Before the newest issue of Sports Illustrated, everyone knew he was a ‘roider but he could deny it. That time has passed. Now it is blatently obvious that ke took steroids, and did so knowingly.
Number Three: Canada Defeats U.S. in World Baseball Classic. I’m not really sure what this “World Baseball Classic” thing is, but the bottom line is that we lost to Canada in a sport that doesn’t involve overweight women and brooms.
I have been waiting for this day my whole life. The new ten dollar bill has finally hit the streets. All the cool kids have ‘em.
The best part about this new $10, is that today, all over the United States, drug dealers will shun their customers in disbelief when they are handed this new bill. Ah, junkies without drugs. It puts a smile on your face.
Jacko has been a great source of comeby here at blatti.net. But since he has moved to Baharain, or whatever boy-rape friendly country he has infested, we haven’t heard much from him. Enter Midget Jackson. He may be half the size, but he has all the moves.
The sad part about all of this is that this little guy probably makes twice as much money as I do. Maybe I can be the fat Micheal Jackson. Probably aren’t a lot of those out there.
I’m sure you have heard about the U.S. selling the managment of 6 U.S. ports to the UAE. In response to the issue, Bush questions “It’s OK for a British company to manage ports, but not OK for a company from a country that’s also a valuable partner”. Hmmm….last I checked, in your eyes, Britain was your #1 “valuable partner” and UAE was the country that funded Osama Bin Laden.
Anyhow, no Dibbleya post would be complete without some memorable quotes. This one was doozy, and I assume (and hope) that he simply misspoke. To clarify, these are actual quotes from the linked CNN article:
1.) Referring to debate over foreign operations of U.S. ports, President Bush says “people don’t need to worry about security.”
2.) “This deal wouldn’t go forward if we were concerned about the security of the United States of America,” Bush told reporters during a Cabinet meeting.
3.) He added, “It’s really important that we not send mixed messages to allies.”
Mixed messages? When did we ever send those?
Travis Frey of Iowa could possibly be a lock for man of the year. And it is only February. This guy had a contract for his wife, that held specific “expectations” about her clothing, hygiene and sexual activities. Read it yourself (NSFW) here.
Wait a minute. Perhaps I spoke a little early on this “Man of the Year” thing. By fullfilling said expectations she would earn “good behavior days”, or GBDs, which she could then use to free herself from his requests. Also, she never even signed the contract. Oh yeah, he was charged with possesion of child pornography too. Well that went downhill fast. It has been quite some time, but I am going to give this guy “Assclown of the Week”. Thanks TSG for another quality find!
There has been a huge uproar over a recent cartoon from Denmark that depicted the prophet Mohammed. The picture shows Mohammed with a bomb shaped turban. Riots have happened in Pakistan and Africa, and I’m sure other places that I didn’t hear about. Western institutions and embassies have been destroyed. All over a little cartoon.
I really hope we (U.S.) don’t get involved in this disater. You could argue both sides of this arguement until your eyes bleed and no one would get anywhere.
Just admit it is funny. European countries make cartoons that use sterotypes saying all Muslims are violent. They also make cartoons that assume all people in the U.S. are morons from Texas. Anyone with half a brain knows that neither of these are true. Of course we shouldn’t take anything seriously from a European anyway, we all know they don’t shower.
