Kobe Bryant scored 81 points last night against the Toronto Canadians. That secured his spot as the second highest scorer in NBA history behind Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlain. Wilt also has Kobe bested in rapes, but Kobe hopes to take him out in the near future, as Wilt’s rape column had been dormant for years.
I happened to be tuned into USA last night at about 10:00 p.m., hoping to vind an episode of Law and Order. Unfortunately, it was wrestling. Allthough, it was pretty much a softcore porn scene. Edge and Lita were pretending to get it on. She took off her bra under the sheets, and the sheets were flying around pretty liberally.
Kelly commented that ifyou were in the right spot in the audience, you would be able to see her boobs. Well apparently everyone got to see her boobs, and now you can too! I wasn’t paying too much attention when it first happened, but I did find the screencaps on WWTDD.com (What Would Tyler Durden Do?). Here’s one. (Click image for NSFW original)
Even after we were up 3-0, being a true sox fan, I still thought we were going to lose. But they did it. For the first time in 90 years, the White Sox have won the World Series. Suck it cubbies!
When Youreebay had to go into the stands to catch that 2nd out, why the hell weren’t those ’stros fans interfering? Bartman is not impressed.
Funny: Overpaid athlete getting hit with a lawsuit. Funnier: He is getting sued for passing an STD. Funniest: The athlete is Randy Moss. Sorry, you are going to have to settle for funnier.
It seems that everyone’s favorite herpes infected quarterback, Michael Vick (a.k.a. Ron Mexico) has been passing more than a football lately. Who wants to bet this one gets settled out of court? Perhaps some public service ads will help the situation?
- Doug
I have not done my fair share of sports news this year. The steroids scandal is laughable. Baseball players use steroids. If you didn’t know this and pull the “Those guys are supposed to be role models for my kids” b.s. then you are a jag-bag. Professional athletes are here for your entertainment, that’s all. Next time Terell Owens or Randy Moss does something stupid in the end zone after a touchdown, don’t get mad. Laugh at them. They are funny. Yeah they may get rich doing it, but so many people watch them that only a fraction of your dollar goes into their pockets. And that is a pretty good deal.
And now NHL news. Oh yeah - they aren’t playing. Well I fell bad for the 10,000 true fans out there and for the wives in Minnesota and North Dakota where domestic violence is surely on the rise, but no one else really cares. And there is always basketball. The NBA has pretty much just become a televised pickup game, where most of the players are doing drug deals before the game and drive-bys afterward. Again - just laugh. And teach your kids that if they want to look up to and become like one of these jackasses, they can. But money isn’t everything. And most of those guys will end up broke and even dumber than they were when they started
Anyway, in much more important news, Mike Piazza has put those rumors of gayness to rest, announcing that he is marrying (top item) Playboy Playmate and Baywatch “star” Whatshername Whogivesacrap.
Why is this important you ask? Hmmm. I guess it isn’t at all. Just stare at the funny picture.
Ashlee “Acid Reflux” Simpson makes the news again, but the end is near. There is just no place for her other than Jessica Simpson’s little sister. It should have stayed that way. Not so long ago, Ashlee’s downfall began when the wrong vocal track was cued for her “live” performance on SNL. Who cares - her only fans are 13 year old girls who should have been asleep at that time anyway. Anyways, some marketing genius decided to book her for the half-time show at the Orange Bowl. I’m sure there were a couple of 13-year old girls there, but there cheers were drowned out by the 70,000 drunken young-middle aged men who booed her into submission. It was classic. Care to start a pool on when the Playboy shoot comes out?
During football season, there is another professional sport going on. Many of us forget about it. It is called the NBA. They play basketball. It is a pretty interesting game, but arena and TV attendance and has been slumping. Well not anymore, because you never know when a fight will break out!
Former Chicago Bull, Ron Artest (5 legitimate capitals in a row!), along with Ben Wallace, Stephen Jackson, Jermaine O’Neal and a bunch of other thugs were suspended after brawling with eachother, and even the audience! This happened in Detroit (duh!) a few days ago against the Pacers. Artest was suspended for an NBA record 55 games through the rest of the season without pay. The fight render over 140 games in suspensions and who knows how much in lost salary. (Artest’s share was $5 million). I can’t wait for the lawsuits. I need to start going to games. Maybe I can get punched and get some of that NBA money. You hear me Hinrich? I am now your worst nightmare!!!
I am starting to see a theme here. U.S. athlete makes a comeback to win the gold, silver medalist says it was unfair. Boo hoo. Even as the uncontested master of women’s gymnastics, I am not sure who deserved the gold. What I am sure of however, is that Svetlana Khorkina did not. Her routines were not even medal-worthy in my opinion. She seemed so gawky and uncoordinated most of the time, I was amazed she got the silver.
So the big ape finally leaves the Lakers. We knew it had to happen sometime. The rapist needs the full spotlight in L.A. anyway. Shaq returns to Florida, where he has kept a residence ever since he was traded to the Lakers. This time he will play for Miami.
Shaq was Traded for basically half of the Heat’s players and their 1st round draft pick. It doesn’t matter though. Even in his old age, Shaq is going to put up the numbers. Plus he has Marquette alum Dwyane Wade to back him up. Look out for Miami in ‘05.
Everyone was surprised, and few were disappointed last night when the Pistons trounced the Lakers 100-87. The score is not very representative of the game. The Lakers were down by 23 at the end of the 3rd and by as much as 27 . Detroit had control of the series early and never let up. They even held the Lakers to 68 points in game 3, defeating them by 20. Ahhh - it is good to see the Lakers lose. Phil Jackson does not get his 10th ring, and more importantly, Karl Malone will never have one.
